I'd rather travel then be in love. How depressing.

so, I'm having one of those days again.
It's been happening like once a week lately. today's burst of sadness has come from my lack of love life.
I had a dream last night, it was about a friend and he kissed me. It was beautiful. But, this morning when I woke, I did not feel happy, I felt sad. Sad because I knew that would never happen...? I'm not sure. I think it was more the fact that I was sad no one wants to kiss me. After that I tried to go back to sleep and keep that dream happening.
I am 21 in just over 7 months. I have kissed one boy. Never had sex. Never had a real relationship. My life is pathetic. I have this stupid fucking boy who loves me but I don't want to have to wait for him anymore. I am just so sick of waiting.
You know, I'm not even sure I love him, I think it's more the fact that I love that he loves me. How selfish of me, stringing him along just so I can feel loved.
You know, I actually don't believe my life is pathetic. I would rather travel then be in love. I'd be in love with the world. How stupid of me. I want to go to Ireland and fall in love there. I want to take beautiful pictures of the Brooklyn bridge. I want to stand underneath the Eiffel tower. I want to see the Vatican in Rome. I want to see Buckingham Palace in England.
There are so many things I want to do, I'm willing to put myself in debt to do it, but that's what I want. I don't want to be stuck here with some guy... if I don't do this then I will end up hating him for keeping me here. I know he would never make me stay... but I couldn't leave if I was in love.
I don't even know why I am talking like that... It's not like there is anyone keeping me here. If I left Pozz would understand. She might even come with me.
I found a uni that Newcastle does exchanges with in Ireland. I'm seriously considering it. It would be amazing. Who knows, in 18 months I could be writing a blog from Ireland. I just need to save up a lot of money!!!!
Well, I think that's it. Time to go do my uni work that I have been putting off.
Beannacht. That's Goodbye in Irish. :)

Well hello blogger,
it's been a while.
A lot has happened... well not a lot, but a couple of big things.
I have started a bachelor of Business.
I have moved to Newcastle
My parents business went into receivership.
So a couple of major, life changing things there. Dad is declaring bankruptcy... we shouldn't lose the house but there is a small possibilty that we will... also a possibility that we will lose everything.
So, Newcastle is great!!! seriously fantastic. I am loving it down here. most of the time...
I'm having one of those days at the moment. I just feel sad. I feel the need to cry. im cuddled up in bed with my teddy... with gloomy music on... snuggled up in my blankies. :(

I really cant be bothered to write any more... just thought i would update.


Talk soon.
Maddigail.
xoxo