A recent (and still on-going) argument with my best friend has left me severely depressed, eating way too much chocolate, listening to sad music, crying at night, sleeping through the day, not socializing and being withdrawn from basically everything.
The tears run down my face as I type this. It makes it hard to concentrate on what I am talking about. The music is like a dull thud in the back of my mind. Creating background noise to numb the pain. The screen is becoming hard to see. It is blurring, making it difficult to type. I can't move. Every ones words seem like chatter I don't want to hear. It just goes on and on.
It has been over 24 hours, and this is the longest time I have ever gone being in a fight with her. It feels weird. Not right. Like something is missing. The smallest things set me off. A memory, a song, a photo, a present. All good things. All things that would usually make me happy.
Being best friends is usually easy. There are no boundaries. Nothing getting in your way. There is no relationship like the one between two best friends. It is hard to break. It rarely becomes fragile. But now, ours is like a thin sheet of ice, preparing to shatter into pieces. Surely it can't really be that way. It can't really happen. It won't happen. Surely. Maybe if I keep telling myself that than it will be true. Maybe, if I sleep for long enough everything will just disappear. Maybe, if I leave it long enough it will be like it never happened.
Just maybe, this could all be true.
I am scared that she thinks I hate her. I am worried something will happen and this is how we will leave things. Not talking, being mad at each other. I am not sure if I can be the one to apologize first. I am not sure when to say sorry to her. I don't know if this will be one of the arguments you just forget and don't need to apologize for.
I don't know what to do.
I am lost.
I am scared.
It can't end like this.
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